Rooney vs Scotland

England were about to play Scotland in the World Cup Qualifiers, Rooney turned round to the team and said: "Don't worry lads, go home and put your feet up. I can handle these!"

So the team all went home and left Wayne to face Scotland.

The next day at training, the team asked him how he got on, Rooney replied: "Well I beat them 2-0."

The team asked him why he sounded a bit depressed seeing as he did win 2-0 single-handedly. "I'm banned for three matches!" he replied. "Why?" they asked. He said: "I got sent off at half time!"